Holy Cow! That Panther can hold a bull!

YouTube/KSAT 12

Perhaps you aren’t familiar with Ford’s long-running Panther chassis, as you’ve never lived in North America or seen an American movie in the last 40 years. If so, you might not be able to comprehend the notion of Panther Love, but it’s not unlike loving the Toyota Crown Comfort in Southeast Asia, the Ford Falcon in Australia, the Rover P5 in the UK, and perhaps even India’s iconic Hindustan Ambassador. It’s a love that won’t set the heart aflutter like a Lamborghini Countach, but it’s certainly got merit.

Most folks tend to focus on the Panther’s most famous creation: the Ford Crown Victoria, especially the early wood-toned station wagons and the late model Police Interceptor variants. The latter is what we recently found on the Internet, pulled over by (another) police car because of the highly questionable modifications made to it.

But before we proceed, be glad I didn’t make the cover photo of this story from the Crown Vic’s rear three-quarter, as it appears this Bull was not transported on an empty stomach. And thank your lucky stars that the company behind the iSmell unceremoniously circled the drain shortly after the Crown Vic became the ubiquitous police vehicle in America.

And that, um, custom graphic on the passenger C-pillar begs the question: how air tight is that Ford’s modified cabin? That may not be the owner’s #1 priority during the conversion, but it should be a Number 2.

Avoiding that smell at lower speeds clearly takes a bullish attitude from the driver. No matter, the local police clearly took the metaphorical bull by the horns. Not the real one, as said bovine is un-ironically named Howdy Doody, and he’s a bit of a local celebrity for attending parades and grazing near roadways. While his owner coulda been dumped with several violations by the city of Norfolk, Nebraska, he didn’t receive a dung to his driving record. Instead, the local police wasted no time giving him a warning for his actions and ushered him out of their jurisdiction. Luckily nobody was hurt, and everyone involved apparently had a good laugh from it.

And with that, I sincerely thank you for reading my raison d’etre for making adolescent jokes at this otherwise well-intended, expertly crafted automotive media organization. I promise you this would not have been a waste of your time if this was a jet-black Mercury carrying a load of Sables. Or Cougar carrying kittens. Or a GTO with a Tigerwait that actually was a thing. 


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    “It is illegal to transport livestock in the passenger side of a sedan between 8 am and 6 pm in Nebraska” –

    Would it be okay if you used a convertible?

    And, having read a lot of his work, I’d say that’s a pretty high bar to clear! (no offense, Sajeev – or to Sanjeev, either…)

    A Crown Vic obviously has no problem hauling even that load of bull. Seriously, we put 150,000 miles on a Grand Marquis, then bought her 18-year-old Crown Vic from my mother’s estate, with only 64,000 miles on it. Three years later, an 18-wheeler clobbered it while I was behind the wheel, badly enough to total it. When the cops were done with their paperwork, they reset the fuel shutoff and drove it out of the intersection. My only injuries were from being jerked around against the 3-point harness; I probably couldn’t say that if I’d been in something smaller and lighter. Those Panther-platform beasts are harder to kill than a Florida giant cockroach!

    Anyone who doubts the toughness of a Crown Vic only needs to watch some Cleetus McFarland videos on YouTube. That guy puts a fleet of them through some events (at his racetrack) that would lead to the early demise of most other marques – let alone almost ALL Fords…

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