Our Two Cents: What If We Had a Tesla Cybertruck?
The feedback we received from our last episode of Our Two Cents suggested that giving unvarnished thoughts on Tesla products will light a fire in the comments section. And that was about the more sedate models, not the highly polarizing Tesla Cybertruck. So let’s go there instead, and see what we would do if we were given one of these radical EV pickups. (For free, of course.) Where would be take it, and how long would we keep it?
Carvana Nirvana
I would keep the Cybertruck as long as it takes to write about it for Vellum Venom, then I’d visit CarMax and hope they’ll cut me a check in the time it takes for my Lyft driver to arrive. No, I should go to Carvana instead. I bet they’d pay a lot more, and it would look awesome in their vending machine. – Sajeev Mehta
A free truck is still a truck
I’d make it a daily driver. Am I super excited to be seen in such a polarizing vehicle? Not particularly, but free is free. I intend to use that truck for as long as I can, or at least until I build my own informed opinion about if it’s a truck that has a place in my garage. – Kyle Smith
WhistlinDiesel, make me a video!
I would take it to Whistlindiesel. So I’d keep it for however long it would take to sign it over to him. – Matt Tuccillo
Be the Coolest Dad
I’d drive it and enjoy my kids losing their absolute minds about it. The attention from passersby would be enjoyable, I think. I wouldn’t feel the need to justify it because I didn’t spend money on it. Not buying gas anymore, either? Bonus! Who cares what it looks like if it’s free.q I don’t have to buy gas, my kids love it, and I’ve suddenly become the coolest dad ever. – Ben Woodworth
A free truck is still a truck (Part II)
I am not terribly interested in the Cybertruck. Not from an anti-EV standpoint, but I am not crazy about the expense of adding a charging point to my garage. More importantly, I find it aesthetically revolting. But as Kyle mentioned, a free truck is a free truck.
I’d see if it grew on me after a couple of months. If it didn’t, I’d sell it and buy something else: A Colorado ZR2 or Canyon AT4X would be more my speed, and fit in my small garage better. – Greg Ingold
Definitely Miami
My loves are the unassuming boxier pickup designs of an earlier age. And the best wedges on earth are cheeses. So, I’d keep it around for a week, wrap it in something ridiculous, and road trip it to Miami, selling it to the highest bidder who regrets not getting on the order sheet earlier. – Bryan Gerould
School Art Project
I’d buy a bunch of those wipe-off chalkboard markers, and hold a contest for best livery: maybe keep it for a year, go to a different grade school each week, let the kids go nuts. The winning school gets the truck, too. That’s how I could enjoy the novelty of the thing, get some great laughs, and then go back to driving my Fiesta ST. – Grace Houghton
Enter the Time Space Continuum?
I’d take it into the future 20 years to see what everyone else is driving, only to observe how society has collapsed because our oceans are dead, our fresh water is gone, and crop failure has led to worldwide famine and the deaths of billions of people. A roving horde would be like, “Look! It’s one of the elites!” and then they’d probably eat me. So, in that scenario, I suppose I would have had it for 20 years, even though it would still look showroom new. – Stefan Lombard
The Answer is Always Camo
I’d probably drive it for a while, but my first move would be to paint it camouflage, hoping fewer people would realize I’m driving one of the homeliest vehicles ever built. – Steven Cole Smith
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Lawn art a la Cadillac Ranch.
With such a design, I would send it on Mars. It fits pretty well with other extraterrestrial rovers.
My second option would be to give it to the Top Gear team for a destructive test based on Elon Musk presumptions.
If I was given a free one I would try it for a little bit but would ultimately sell it to the highest bidder as I have no interest/love for this thing. It’s ugly and I would not be desiring to ever drive it.
I’d take it, I’ve never owned a new vehicle in my life, It’s kinda hard to do when you work for minim wage,
I can get over what it looks like, Especially after giving it a camo paint job, maybe a pair of fake machine guns sticking out the front, a remote controlled low profile turret on the roof, Areal Mad Max thing,
Or maybe just a nice paint job and drive it till it drops and can’t be fixed anymore, Unless I could trade it
to a restoration shop in turn for restoring my 68 Plymouth Satellite station-wagon that’s been sitting next to my house for the last 40+ years, It’s my first car and I learned how to drive in it back in 77
I’d put an LS-6 in it with a Ford 9 inch in back and a Dana 44 up front, tied together with an 8-speed auto and matching transfer case.
It sucks!
I’d put a ICE in it with a standard transmission.
Over the past 20 years here in SoCal we’ve gone all the way from mucho macho Hummers being replaced by high-end EVs as the latest attention-getting device for status seekers. The Cyber Truck has some of the characteristics of both, so it might have some appeal here. I’d see what I could get for it then put the money into something that’s more of a thing of beauty and not something that was just designed to shock and impress.
If I was a multimillionaire I’d say “Thanks Elon” and put it in the crusher. Someone has has to look to the future to see how current crushers would deal with heavy, angled stainless steel. A community service if ever there was one. You’re welcome.
I’d donate it to a charity that gives scholarships to kids for a degree in automotive design.
I’ve been driving my Model Y for 3 years and 46,000 miles and it’s been the best daily driver I’ve ever owned (and I live in the midwest where the weather goes from subzero to over 100). I still need a pickup truck because my long suffering ’93 Volvo 945 Turbo Wagon can’t haul everything I need to move. I still wouldn’t want the Cybertruck – it’s too big and too angular for my likes. Anyone know where I can score a 6 cylinder stick, 1960 El Camino?
Yep – https://classiccars.com/listings/view/1215621/1960-chevrolet-el-camino-for-sale-in-cadillac-michigan-49601
Wow, George, that fits the bill! Lot to do there, but it looks salvageable. Seems a bit steep for the condition to me, but maybe that’s where the market is.
I did get a small chuckle when reading that the fellow looking for a ’60 El Camino thinks the Cybertruck is “too big and too angular”…😛
I’d strip all the electronic crap out of it and install an LS1
(You all knew that was coming eventually:)
Since it doesn’t make one of the the sweetest sounds on Earth (combined intake and exhaust noise, second only to the sound of a popping champagne cork) I’d have a very hard time keeping it. No EV hate, I’m just not interested. Therefore I would sell it to someone who wants one, pay off my house and have a little left over to pimp my WRX.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/autos/news/cybertruck-owners-say-they-re-already-rusting/ar-BB1idDFD?ocid=hpmsn&cvid=6a5eb93407c64a76ae8bc101e7a9989d&ei=101