Our Two Cents: What If We Had a Tesla Cybertruck?

Cameron Neveu

The feedback we received from our last episode of Our Two Cents suggested that giving unvarnished thoughts on Tesla products will light a fire in the comments section. And that was about the more sedate models, not the highly polarizing Tesla Cybertruck. So let’s go there instead, and see what we would do if we were given one of these radical EV pickups. (For free, of course.) Where would be take it, and how long would we keep it?

Carvana Nirvana

Used Car Seller Carvana tower
Joe Raedle/Getty Images

I would keep the Cybertruck as long as it takes to write about it for Vellum Venom, then I’d visit CarMax and hope they’ll cut me a check in the time it takes for my Lyft driver to arrive. No, I should go to Carvana instead. I bet they’d pay a lot more, and it would look awesome in their vending machine. – Sajeev Mehta

A free truck is still a truck


I’d make it a daily driver. Am I super excited to be seen in such a polarizing vehicle? Not particularly, but free is free. I intend to use that truck for as long as I can, or at least until I build my own informed opinion about if it’s a truck that has a place in my garage. – Kyle Smith

WhistlinDiesel, make me a video!

Cody Detwiler

I would take it to Whistlindiesel. So I’d keep it for however long it would take to sign it over to him. – Matt Tuccillo

Be the Coolest Dad


I’d drive it and enjoy my kids losing their absolute minds about it. The attention from passersby would be enjoyable, I think. I wouldn’t feel the need to justify it because I didn’t spend money on it. Not buying gas anymore, either? Bonus! Who cares what it looks like if it’s free.q I don’t have to buy gas, my kids love it, and I’ve suddenly become the coolest dad ever. – Ben Woodworth

A free truck is still a truck (Part II)


I am not terribly interested in the Cybertruck. Not from an anti-EV standpoint, but I am not crazy about the expense of adding a charging point to my garage. More importantly, I find it aesthetically revolting. But as Kyle mentioned, a free truck is a free truck.

I’d see if it grew on me after a couple of months. If it didn’t, I’d sell it and buy something else: A Colorado ZR2 or Canyon AT4X would be more my speed, and fit in my small garage better. – Greg Ingold

Definitely Miami


My loves are the unassuming boxier pickup designs of an earlier age. And the best wedges on earth are cheeses. So, I’d keep it around for a week, wrap it in something ridiculous, and road trip it to Miami, selling it to the highest bidder who regrets not getting on the order sheet earlier. – Bryan Gerould

School Art Project


I’d buy a bunch of those wipe-off chalkboard markers, and hold a contest for best livery: maybe keep it for a year, go to a different grade school each week, let the kids go nuts. The winning school gets the truck, too. That’s how I could enjoy the novelty of the thing, get some great laughs, and then go back to driving my Fiesta ST. – Grace Houghton

Enter the Time Space Continuum?


I’d take it into the future 20 years to see what everyone else is driving, only to observe how society has collapsed because our oceans are dead, our fresh water is gone, and crop failure has led to worldwide famine and the deaths of billions of people. A roving horde would be like, “Look! It’s one of the elites!” and then they’d probably eat me. So, in that scenario, I suppose I would have had it for 20 years, even though it would still look showroom new. – Stefan Lombard

The Answer is Always Camo


I’d probably drive it for a while, but my first move would be to paint it camouflage, hoping fewer people would realize I’m driving one of the homeliest vehicles ever built. – Steven Cole Smith




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    The general consensus amongst the staff boils down to “what the heck, it’s free, so use it” and “try to figure out the quickest way to get rid of it”, with some variables thrown in. Not a lot of votes for “Wow, I can’t believe my good fortune to get such a wonderful gift – I’ve REALLY been Jonesing for one of those!”
    Me? Well, I’ve already got a truck, so free or not, I’d not be happy to have it, so I’d either turn it into a chicken house, or – being the generous soul that I am – I’d pass it on to Ben Woodworth so he could be the coolest dad ever…

    The “I can’t believe my good fortuine” outlook is a very good one and a bit of gratitude is necessary for a happy life.. Jury is still out for me on whether or not being gifted a Cybertruck is good fortuine or not. Not too many charging points where I live for EVs and not nuts about hiring out an electrician to put one in my garage. That said reviews are positive, but waiting on real world data myself.

    Personally, I am quite happy with my 2-year old Canyon AT4, which fits snugly in my 1 car garage and does exactly everything I need a truck to do and looks good doing it. The Tesla lost me at the looks when the design was announced.

    Well ;

    In fact it’s _NOT_ a truck as a truck is meant to me used for work and this thing clearly isn’t .

    That being said I hope those who get them by choice discover I’m wrong and they’re happy twenty years later like those of us who use trucks for work and play, not just to impress others .


    Using your “fact” definition, about 70% of the things I used to call trucks out on the road are not trucks, as they certainly aren’t being used for work. I’m including thousands of Chevys, GMCs, Fords, Rams – that are being used to: a) display expensive rims and tires, b) display flags of certain political persuasions, c) “roll coal” when the light turns green, d) likely substitute specific lacks of manhood and/or maturity, and e) waste immense amounts of gasoline and diesel fuel. But they surely aren’t used for work!
    So my question is: if all of those vehicles (generally with overly tinted windows) aren’t trucks, what the heck are they? 😁

    I’d trade it in to a dealership holding an overpriced Evo and take the extra cash they’d owe me to invest in other things.

    Ditching a free Cybertruck is about the only way I can mentally justify an Evo… but it would be fun.

    Grace wins on the morality play. Whistlin’ Diesel is a menace who doesn’t deserve a license, and I’m pretty sure Uncle Sajeev is trolling us with these posts.

    I would definitely be very happy to be gifted a new Cybertruck.
    I would turn around and sell or trade immediately for something NICE and with the crowd of folks into Tesla vehicles I am sure I could do quite well.

    For free I would take it, install a charging port, and drive it. Only the most politically charged anti-EV person wouldn’t. When the battery quits in 10 years, I’d stuff a big block in it.

    Well I have one on order and would gladly take and keep one for free. I’m not sure if I will accept mine because I haven’t even sat in one yet. But because my Model Y is by far the best of the 60+ vehicles I’ve ever owned, I bet I will like it. I think more people here need to test drive a Tesla. Their dealers will let you take one out by yourself for half an hour and won’t harass you afterwards.

    G.I’s comment: “I’d see if it grew on me after a couple of months. If it didn’t, I’d sell it and buy something else…”
    Common sense, level-headed guy.

    I think the only appropriate thing to do is create a Back to the Future theme with it. And then drive it around like that.

    Yet here you are commenting and engaging with an article solely focused on EVs. Your attempts to be edgy are lost with how hard you are trying.

    Maybe he just reads EVERY article written by “the Troll” – I know I do!
    (I know, I know, my attempt to be humorous is lost here, but, whaddaya gonna do, I gotta be me!)

    I’m not sure why, but this article reminded me of the time when Malcolm Bricklin was introducing the Subaru 360 to America. Car and Driver ran a contest…First Prize, a Subaru 360…Second Prize, two of them.

    I too was thinking of the old Cleveland joke – second prize a trip to Cleveland, first prize, no trip to Cleveland, when I read this article. BTW, I am from Cleveland and have very warm feelings about the town. Don’t hate.

    I know the feeling. Back in the day before the “St. Louis” Rams won the Super Bowl, the story around town is you could put two unused ticket on your windshield before a game. After the game there would be four tickets (or more) on your windshield!

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