Cup holders, man! You want to impress comedian Byron Bowers? Show him a classic car that has some freaking cup holders!
OK, so that’s not all that Bowers is looking for in his “forever car.” But if you’ve been watching this season of Donut Media’s Miracle Whips (sponsored by DriveShare), you know that Byron consistently requests a place to put his beverages. “Cup holders!” he says again while testing a 1974 Ford Bronco this week. “Woo, I’m thirsty!”
Don’t worry, Bowers isn’t too dehydrated to discuss the pluses and minuses of his latest ride. He begins by testing the Bronco’s doors, which close with a loud clunk typical of classic cars.
“That’s the sound of rejection,” he says.
“Excuse me, y’all hiring?” Clunk!
“Mind if I come in?” Clunk!
“Do you think there’ll ever be another black president?” CLUNK! “Nope? OK.”
Bowers applauds the simplicity of the car—yes, he calls the Bronco a car throughout the show (Clunk!). “You could take this whole car apart with a butter knife.” But he complains about a lack of power from its 302-cubic-inch engine, which produces only 125 horsepower. “Are you serious?”
“Most cars, when you crank ’em, come alive. This car awakens. ‘Hey, what’s up, man? (Rubs his eyes.) Is it time? Is it time to go somewhere again?’”
“This car makes cartoon noises… (it’s) loud as bleep! You’re not getting to know anybody in this car… ‘What?! I can’t hear you!’”
“It handles like a shopping cart.”
“I don’t know why you have this big antenna. Where you calling? Cuba?”
“This car has already been pushed to its limits. It’s been married and divorced, got two kids in college. It likes drinking wine. It likes relaxing.”
But when Bowers “takes this horse out where it belongs—the dirt,” he finds that the Bronco is a different animal. One with a better personality. “(It) feels right when it’s turning in the gravel,” he says.
That isn’t nearly enough, however. Bowers says the Bronco is not his forever car. But, he assures us, “Guys, we’re getting closer.” Keep watching.
Are you looking for your own Miracle Whip? DriveShare, available online or in the Apple app store, is a great way to enjoy your dream car without having to purchase it. And if you already own a sweet ride, you can rent it and help finance your next project.